Letters to Abba: A Sunbeam

Dear God, I don’t have all the words right or even have a clear picture of my end. But I know you’ve made me for a purpose.

I thank you for sparing my life, and sending two special friends to fight for my life. I don’t know how or why you would ever choose to love someone who blunders and fails trough life like me, but I’m thankful you do. I’d be lost without you. Completely lost.

My Father, I don’t know every step for my future, but I’m confident you do.

God, I’m a miserable, faithless girl who stumbles on every whim and emotion. I’m insecure. Not the brightest. Certainly not the prettiest. But You have claimed me as Your own child.

And I’m overwhelmed by that love.

Love.

It’s not a feeling. It’s a continual action.

I don’t always feel loved, but that doesn’t mean I am any less loved.

In fact You said Your love is never changing: You can’t love me any more or any less than you do now.

Love.

I struggle. Badly. But if You could love a girl like me and forgive me for my failures, my attitude, my messes, and flaws; if You could continually pick up the pieces of my doubting heart; if You could willingly remind me that You’re above life’s storm clouds, then I’ll be a reminder of Your love.

I’ll be Your sunbeam.

Father, use me as a living vessel that reflects Your love as a sunbeam.

Make me more selfless.

Bolden my tongue.

Sharpen my walk.

Keep my mind in check.

And oh God don’t ever let me try again to destroy this one life you’ve given me. Help me to never again question whether or not I matter or if I’ll ever be perfect enough for others.

Let me put Your calling above my thoughts of happiness and pleasure:

I’m asking you to keep me on my knees, with arms extended wide for others, and my eyes ever raised to Thee.

I’m asking You to remind me daily that You are my hiding place.

And I know I need You.

How desperately I need You. I’m weak and worn and feeble.

But You are God alone. The holy and loving One.

Use my life as Your sunbeam.

And Father, my own loving Father: how deep is Your love to send Your precious Son Jesus for my sake.

You loved me first and may the rest of my life be spent loving You with every breath, movement, and decisions of my being.

Keeping A Smile and Prayer Handy,

~My Father’s Sunbeam

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