Your presence is no longer welcome. You constantly track sloppy traces of doubt, fear, and exasperation–hindering our normal lives.
Speaking of normal: this social distancing hasn’t been all bad.
It’s odd to admit, but I rather enjoyed the public push to preserve extra personal space.
(At first. Even introverts get tired of isolation.)
I prefer quiet corners and the balming sounds of uninterrupted Spotify, graced with hot tea and a bowl of cold cereal. The first few days were nothing short of sanctified bliss.
As the days rolled on, I struggled with sitting still. What does one do with consecutive opportunities to clean, bake, memorize scripts, read, write, and play music? First, you do those same things. And then you do them again and again—in differing orders.
Then a restlessness crept in. I felt…helpless.
Rona, in my many moments of quiet work, I didn’t feel as relaxed as I had anticipated. Instead I felt stressed. Maybe the daily news contributed. People were suffering all around the world–many that I loved, and I couldn’t comfort nearly everyone.
This was certainly a “me problem.” I felt agitated by an unfamiliar form of loneliness. I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to comfort those around me. Like I wasn’t living up to my purpose.
And then I reconsidered something the Lord has been teaching me.
“Who am I?”
I’m more than an African-American woman, performer, writer, blogger, sister, daughter, Christian, and foodie. My identity is even more than the things I’ve accomplished.
“Who am I?”
I’m a purposed creation of God. My identity is solely a result of His being. Since I’m still here, then He still has a purpose for me to achieve. He’s called me for a purpose.
And no fainting goat syndrome or surprise visit (even from the likes of you, Rona) can ever change my purpose.
Rona, I guess I should thank you for this unexpected physical quarantine. I needed the spiritual rejuvenation.
I’ve sought God’s face like never before, and clutched a hold on His throne. I’ve been blessed to pray daily with some encouraging people. I’ve live-streamed church services—some of which, I’ve never before attended. Jammed for hours to worship music. Spent quality time in God’s Word.
These last few weeks haven’t rolled by in vain. I’ve strengthened some relationships and honed in on a healthier me–both physically and mentally. I’m hurting over memories that I’ve anticipated for months and never lived out–but I’m accepting more and more that I’ve never truly been in control anyway.
Anyway, Rona: you’ve got to go! Don’t jack up fuel prices on your way out!
Nonetheless, I know wishing you away won’t change reality. Until you depart, I’ll peacefully wait your withdrawal.
In this forced quarantine, I’ll purposefully accept these opportunities to reconnect with others, evaluate relationships, and embrace my identity.
And of course, bake!
Keeping A Smile and Prayer Handy,